The Big O Podcast... Oh yes, the BIG O(gasm) that we all need to experience, regularly... explores ways to elevate yourself and your business using your Pleasure! Where you learn how to step into the true YOU unapologetically! Unashamedly embodying your Femme Fatale energy so that you can be SEEN and HEARD, with pure magnetism! It's time for you to get turned on by your life and business, and experience the Big O!
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In this episode we talk about what choosing yourself really means - how this is far beyond just ridding yourself of all the bad, sometimes it means letting go of the things that you do want.
I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you haven't already, check out how you can work with me on my website below or come and follow me on your favourite platform.
Hello and welcome to the Big O Podcast. With me, your hosts, Emma Marini. I am an empowerment coach and public speaker, a visual artist and photographer, an author, a mum of three, and a firm believer in the transformational power of awakening to the magic of pleasure and joy. The Big O explores ways to elevate yourself into a place of personal power through creativity, wild self-love, and awakening to your own pleasure through the feminine energy of flow so that you can embody the world goddess that you truly are. It's time for you to get turned on by your own life and experience the Big O. Hello and welcome back to the Big O podcast. Today I am talking about something that I have been experiencing recently, and it's actually quite a big lesson that I think is really important for us all to see and understand. So, what we're talking about today is choosing yourself. Now I know that there is a lot out there about choosing yourself, radical self-love, self-acceptance, self-care. And what I want to go into is a little bit more about what really choosing yourself does actually mean, because there is an awful lot out there about, you know, choosing your own routines, choosing to love yourself, choosing to take time for yourself, choosing to leave situations that are wrong for you, that are bad for you. Now, the thing that I've discovered, particularly in the last couple of months, is that choosing yourself can actually be really fucking hard and really painful. Now, the way that it's kind of promoted is that choosing yourself means letting go of toxic situations, toxicity from your life, removing negativity. Now, I have done that, and the first stage of me choosing myself was releasing that. And that part is incredibly, incredibly important. Stepping away from toxicity, stepping away from negativity, stepping away from being belittled, being made small, being made to feel not good enough, saying no to things, saying yes to things, you know, just really actively choosing the things that I want. Now, on my journey through this, that at the time felt hard because you know, choosing myself meant leaving my marriage, but my marriage had turned toxic, and the things that were happening then in there were hurting both of us, and there was nowhere else to go with it. This was the only option. So the first part was that, and it also meant leaving a 15-year career that was incredibly hard. But again, I'd come to the end of the road, and I knew that it was time I was going into a work environment that I no longer felt comfortable in. I was not enjoying what I was doing, and actually, I wholeheartedly disagreed with the row in itself, and that was nothing really to do with my colleagues or anything like that. It's just that the job itself I did not agree with anymore and the way it was done. So, again, it was incredibly hard because that had been 15 years of my life and something that I'd been working towards for a really long time. So at that stage, that felt like an incredibly difficult situation, and I went through a grieving process, and I did have the occasional doubts. I I could continue though, because I knew wholly that it was the right choice. So that to me is the first stage of choosing yourself. What I've realized in the last few months is that there's a second stage of choosing yourself. And from my experience, I would say this is so much harder. Choosing yourself can actually be not only hard, it can actually be quite painful because what I've experienced is being in a situation where things are mostly good. Things are mostly good, things are mostly happy, things are way better than I've ever experienced before. Um and that when I was initially choosing myself was something I really desperately wanted was to feel loved, to feel cared for, to feel all the things that I deeply craved, and all of the driving force behind beginning to choose myself in the first place. But and this is the sticky bit discerning between things that are good or better, and actually things that are really truly aligned with you and your desires, and this is where it gets sticky, and this is where it gets hard, and this is actually where it gets painful because when you love something, someone, for example, so very much, but there's something that's not quite right, and there's something that's leaving you feeling frustrated or unsatisfied, even though there's a whole list of things that are good or better than you've ever experienced before. Now that is where it gets really fucking hard and really fucking painful. And what I'm here to talk to you about is transitioning through that. Because when you get to a point, when you start choosing yourself and you've moved through the letting go of toxicity and letting go of negativity and letting go of the things that you know 100% are not aligned with you, yes, doubt will creep in, yes, she'll be anxious, yes, she'll be, you know, the worries, all of that is is so real and it will be there. But what you learn from that is who you are, and you start to gain a massive sense of self-awareness. And what happens is in that process is you really start to begin to understand what you want and what you need. Now, often during those transitions, something good may come along, and you take that and you enjoy that, and actually that can be a huge part of your healing. Um, and it may be that it heals just one area, or it could heal, so for example, a relationship where you've left a very toxic, narcissistic relationship, and then you get into a new relationship with somebody who actually genuinely cares about you and shows you love and supports you in a lot of ways, but perhaps there is something there that you cannot cope with. So, for example, if you are recovering from a trauma and perhaps you have had emotional abuse, which included shouting or being shouted at, and you know that you cannot tolerate being shouted at. But this person that you have entered into a new relationship shows you all the love and care that you were so desperately craving in your previous relationship. But when they get upset or angry, or perhaps they have their oumas and they're triggered and they raise their voice, and then that triggers you. Now, the sticky bit is do you at this point decide okay? Well, that's good enough, or do you really choose yourself? Because actually, why do you think that you do not deserve for all ten things that you need or you desire to be fulfilled? And this is what I found is I began to question hang on, I had to check myself here at this point of hmm, is this completely what I need? Like is this fulfilling me, or is this actually starting to trigger me and open up wounds? And I had to take a really hard look at the situation and at myself and understand that actually what was so healing to begin with become started to become um a trigger and a big trigger. And what I've realized, having experienced this, is that letting that go is actually way more painful than letting the go go of the things that I knew were toxic and that were causing me harm. Letting go of something that feels really good and that meets needs that have never been met before is really fucking hard. But that is now what I understand as truly choosing yourself because through that I am choosing my own healing, I am choosing my own needs, I am choosing better, and not just better, the best for myself, and there can be an awful, awful lot of questioning and self-doubt in this process because the core of it is when you have suffered trauma, you don't think you deserve that, and what I really want you to ask yourself is why don't you deserve that? And that can be a incredibly difficult question to answer. And moving through through change, this question's gonna come up a lot because you're gonna experience something better because it's inevitable, you can't go back to what you had before. So, surely what you're gonna choose next is going to be better, and you're going to really enjoy it, and that's good, and that's really good, that's part of your healing. But if there comes a point where something isn't aligned, you're gonna have a choice, and what I really want you to understand is that the only thing you can control is yourself and is your own choices, and you get to at that point choose, and I want to know are you going to choose yourself? Even if choosing yourself can actually be really painful because there's so much fear involved with thinking, but what if there's nothing better? What if this is the best there is? What if what if I don't ever find this again? Now, these are all the questions that I was faced with, and this is something that I now know is triggered by my own trauma, and what I'm learning is yeah, I do deserve what I want. I do deserve to have all of that. I do deserve it because until we actually believe that we deserve it, we won't get it because it means letting go of the things that are not a hundred percent. And what I mean, the thing is, it doesn't have to be perfect, it's just that it's got to be perfect for you, and that's the difference. Nobody else can be perfect, no situation is ever going to be perfect, but it can be perfect for you because you have your own traumas, you have your own desires, you have your own needs, and for example, in a relationship, if you are choosing to be with somebody new, they need to be there fulfilling those things. And if they're only fulfilling 50%, 70%, 80%, then actually they're not fulfilling you. And what can actually happen is you end up with a whole load of resentment, and your own traumas that were there before, as good as it feels to start with, are gonna start opening up again, and you're gonna start questioning your own worth and all of that hard work that you did through choosing yourself to begin with, that can start to unravel. So the message here is pretty clear. Are you brave enough to choose yourself? Because it takes a fucking shitload of courage to really choose yourself when you have something that feels really good. So I'm gonna leave you with that. And I would really love to hear your thoughts on that. So please come over onto Instagram. I'm at Joyce Misfit. Come and follow me, come and talk to me about this. This is something I talk about a lot, and I'm currently running one of my pleasure challenges and talking about the pleasure code, which is something I go into in depth in my group program evolution. So if you want to know a little bit more about that and do a little bit more of a deep dive into this, then come and see me. And I cannot wait to speak with you a little bit more about this.
