The Big O
The Big O Podcast... Oh yes, the BIG O(gasm) that we all need to experience, regularly... explores ways to elevate yourself and your business using your Pleasure! Where you learn how to step into the true YOU unapologetically! Unashamedly embodying your Femme Fatale energy so that you can be SEEN and HEARD, with pure magnetism! It's time for you to get turned on by your life and business, and experience the Big O!
The Big O
The woman afraid of her own Vagina! with That Coach Liz
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this very exciting episode, I talk to Elisabeth Carley-Leonard, aka That Coach Liz, a Social Media & Confidence Coach who helps women to show up confidently online and offline by coaching women to embrace their inner badasses and step out of 'The Shoulds'.
In this episode we talk about embracing your sensuality and sexuality and how she redefined herself from being "the woman afraid of her own vagina", to the woman who empowers curvy women to be their true, beautiful self, FULLY!
Book a call with me
Or explore working with me?
Follow me:
Instagram
Facebook
Tik Tok
LinkedIn
Take the Pleasure Archetype Quiz to find out your pleasure personality:
https://www.joyousmisfit.com/pleasurearchetypequiz
Contact me directly: team.joyousmisfit@gmail.com
Hello and welcome back to the Big O podcast. I am so excited for today's episode. I've got a very special guest, and we are going to be talking about stepping out of the shoulds. I am so incredibly excited about this. This beautiful lady is an absolute expert to do with body confidence and things like that. And I cannot wait for you to hear a little bit more about her journey and all the beautiful insights that she's got on this. So I would love to welcome Elizabeth Carly Leonard. She is that coach Liz. She's a social media and confidence coach. Hello, hello, hello, Elizabeth.
SPEAKER_02Hello, hello, my darling. Thank you so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this for so long.
SPEAKER_00Oh, me too. I am so, so excited to have you here. And I think it would be absolutely amazing if you could introduce yourself to the big O listeners and let them know a little bit more about you and what you do.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. I love it when people give me a soapbox to stand on and talk about myself. So, like you said, I am a social media and confidence coach, but something that has come seemingly out of nowhere in the last couple of months as well is I have all of a all of a sudden become a curve influencer. And what's that, I hear you ask? Well, that's an influencer who is deliberately curvy and deliberately enjoys eating good food, drinking fine wine, and exercising to be healthy instead of losing weight. And I think that really ties into a lot of the confidence coaching that I've been doing with my clients who want to show up confidently online. Because I suppose that the social media and confidence stuff is my like job, I guess, if you want to call it that. Whereas the curve influencing stuff is something that is just giving me this hideous joy that I have become addicted to. And I think all in all, what I've realized that my purpose is with no matter how I earn my money, it's empowering women to be their badass confident selves. So who knows how you'll introduce me next time that we speak.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, I absolutely love that. And that is so aligned, so, so aligned, empowering women to be their true selves, right? Their true self, the true you. And that is that is so much about what my journey is about as well. And I'm so I've been so looking forward to this conversation with you because what I see from you, your presence, um, your presence in person, which I absolutely love, but also what I see from you and so visible online, which is why, you know, I know that you've recently gone absolutely viral, which is amazing. I am so happy for you. And I think that's because Wild. Yeah, it is wild. But you can embody that completely, completely. You have got to that point where you are her. You know, I talk a lot with my clients. So through my program evolution, through my pleasure activations, things like that, we talk a lot about what embodiment actually means. And I think you are the perfect example of that. You are her. We talk about um stepping into our future selves, the person that we want to be. And and the one thing that I always say, and this actually came up yesterday as part of the pleasure activation, is that you are already her. That person, that version of yourself that you want to be, you're already her. And what I see from you is you've literally you've taken that step. You know, there's no you've you've bridged that gap between that kind of who you were and who you wanted to be, and you've managed to bring those together, merge them together, bring bring them together, and that is who you are actively embodying every day. And I think that's why so many women are inspired and empowered by seeing you.
SPEAKER_02So what I would thank you so much. What about that in my bio?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00We've just written it all for you, done.
SPEAKER_03You introduce me every time I have a speaking engagement. I'm just gonna this is Emma, she's gonna introduce me.
SPEAKER_00Oh, well, it's true though, it's true. And I think what would be a really beautiful start to our conversation is to let our audience know a little bit about your journey because we had quite an amusing conversation before we started this conference about who you were and and kind of how you got to where you are now.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, right. Are we ready for a soliloquy here? This is uh I'm gonna try and do this in a nutshell, and then you can pick it apart with anything you find interesting. So, who I am today is actually the really only the person that I've been for, I don't know, maybe the last year. So it's a very recent change, it's a very recent transformation and embodiment into how I go about my day and like this no fucks given energy that I kind of have as well. Like I'm very much like, I would just walk around naked like all the time if I could nowadays. Whereas before I would not be seen dead in like a string bikini, crop tops, oh my god, no. I would rather, I don't know, I'd rather be like covered in mud in a bin bag than be seen dead wearing a crop top. Like shorts that made my like that allowed my ass to hang out the back, like no way, it wasn't gonna happen. Whereas now I'm actually actively trying to find some hot pants that will fit a size 16 to 18, which are really hard to find, by the way. So that's gonna be my next mission on TikTok. But this journey all kind of started, I think, in like 2020. And this is another cliche, the pandemic was the best thing that ever happened to me, story. So strap in everybody, because pre-2020, I was very burnt out, very broke, um, broken financially, physically, and mentally. I was bottomed out. But on the outset, I was um, I seemingly had everything and I was that the it girl. But internally, I don't know, there was just there were so many things that just felt fractured. And I am 31 now, and I started my first company when I was 21, 22, and I took over a music venue when I was 25 in 2017. And between 2017 and 2019-20, that was my life. It was all consuming. I was working 80 hour weeks, I didn't have time for myself, my relationships, my family, and my physical health just wasn't great. And through doing all of that, I had slowly begun to put on weight as well. So I'd gone from a size 10 to 12, and I was in the modeling industry, pre-music industry as well. So I had all of those fitty little thoughts and those awful stories running internally that your self-worth is directly related to the label within your jeans. So I would have a meltdown in changing rooms if God forbid I had to put on a size 12 pair of jeans. So I'm putting on weight, I'm not loving the way I look, I'm not feeling sexy. At this point, I thought that I was just one of those women that hated sex. And I do, I told you just before we came on, I developed this reputation of Liz scared of her own vagina. And like things honestly, and like any talk about honestly, it's wild that like I was even that person because talk about sex would freak me out. Um, if anybody like mentioned sex stories to me, it would make me feel like like sick and nauseous, just really, really uncomfortable. Um, my sex life within my my my now marriage and my then relationship was very much like I was showing up for him, um, not for myself. So it sounds awful, but I would almost have to like schedule it in in my brain like it is Sunday afternoon. You are not working at your venue, you are now a wife, must have sex. And I did my best. And it wasn't like I didn't enjoy it, but there was just no fireworks, you know. There was no sexiness. I didn't walk around like wanting to shag the brains out of my husband, who was a handsome man, by the way. And um, that was my life. And then the turning point, um, from a mental health point of view was 2020 when we were forced to shut. The venue was forced to close for 15 months. So I couldn't draw an income at all. And I had to pivot online because my roof collapsed and I had to find 20,000 pounds to replace it in the middle of a pandemic as well. It was really, really fucking stressful. And uh I did it, I did it. I mean, all of these things, all of these hard moments, I call them possibility points because you're up against something that you think impossible at that moment. And when you break through to the other side, it's just a reminder of how much you can achieve when you really when you're against the grain. Like we are such resilient human beings. And when you know, everybody can like harness that badass energy. It's not just mothers with topples under cars, like every single woman can harness that energy. And um, yeah, so I pivoted online, realized that I was really good at Instagram, decided I hated running a music venue, um, so kind of started transitioning out of the music industry into the online world and started a personal development journey to kind of knit myself back together again. So I read um Jens Sinchero's You Are a Badass. Have you ever read it?
SPEAKER_00Oh, that is one that I haven't read. I will life-changing, life-changing.
SPEAKER_02And for any women who are feeling like fucking hell, hate my life, I hate my life, everything sucks, but I think I should enjoy it. Read that book. It is not long or get it on Audible. I think there's a free version on Spotify and YouTube as well, if you're feeling like a bit of a budget brander today. Like, do not let paying for these things be a barrier to your greatness. And honestly, the way in which she explains things, I just had this mental shift. And I was like, why am I walking around constantly on all of these things that I feel like I should be doing? Because maybe I'll be happier if I do that, maybe I'll be happier if I look like that. And she gave words to feelings that had seemingly overwhelmed me before, and I thought everybody had. So it was this journey of self-discovery that then led to being a confident woman and being able to be in this energy. I mean, even in 2021, the doctors called me morbidly obese. I was a size 14 at that point, and they put me on these weight loss tablets that basically would make you shit your pants if you ate the wrong food and they would stop your body absorbing. In fact, they're just really toxic. And when you came off them, you'd flam on all this weight again. So I was still in this yo-yo. And my depression and anxiety were still really high. And then in 2021, I came off the pill. And this is when everything started to change for me. Because I, Emma, I did not realize how bad the contraceptive pill is not only for like a woman's mental health, but like our libido, our body, everything. Everything. And I feel like I I don't even, I don't even understand the person that I was back then. It seems so disconnected. And then I think last summer, maybe my hormones finally started to self-regulate. I'd finally gotten to a point, you know, I've been in and out of therapy. Jen Sinchero had now become like, my God, I've read everything she's ever written. She's amazing. And um, I don't know. I all of a sudden woke up one day and was like, I'm really fucking horny. Like, I don't know what to do with this.
unknownI don't know what to do with it.
SPEAKER_02Let's woman that's scared of her own vagina, which like wanting to be milky and just have sex like all the time. And I think it was a combination of coming off the pill, of allowing myself to just have this open field of self-discovery, giving myself the flexibility with like career changes. I mean, I was traveling a lot at that time as well. So I was constantly pushing the boat with anything that made me feel uncomfortable. And I went through this phase in my life, pre-Horny era, um, post coming off the pill. Um, um, if anything ever made me feel uncomfortable, I would deliberately move towards it and use that as a signifier that, okay, well, that's the next thing we've got to do. If it scared me, I had to then go and do it. And then here we are today on a podcast about sex, and I am more than happy to talk about it. I feel that people who knew me pre-pandemic are gonna listen to this and be shocked. They're gonna be shooker, but not gonna understand. They're gonna think I've been body snatched by aliens.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, there is so much richness in your story. There's so many points that I would love to bring up and talk about because there's so much in here which I think is so incredibly relevant to nearly every woman that I know. There's so many things. But I just think before we kind of dive into it, I think the thing that sums up your journey and what you did was you chose yourself. Yeah. You know, that every everything that you've gone through here, every decision you've made, and obviously everybody's journey is so unbelievably uh specific to them. Like you cannot you can't, you just can't even compare people's journeys and people's lives. But I think the the running theme here that I can see from every choice that you've made and you turning into this beautiful embodiment of your true self is that you chose yourself at that point where and I think this is the thing about the pandemic, it was such a trigger, it was a huge trigger for me. It made me completely realign. That's when I left my 15-year career, and then obviously that was the domino effect of everything else occurring in my life too. It's the way it happens sometimes. Sometimes it does take a trigger to kind of push us over the edge. But I do, I do think at that point, if if that is happening, we were already uh like teetering on the edge. We kind of had that kind of tone that, like, oh, it's just felt so scary. And sometimes that that push, like you said, there was a pandemic, you had to close, you couldn't earn, then your roof went in. Like you had no choice and you did it. And I think that's so incredible because I think often when we are sat so comfortably in our comfort zone as such, we uh we don't realize the resilience we have, we don't realize the strength we have because it hasn't actually been tested. It's like it's like that phrase that I've heard quite a few times in lots of different ways. It's that the the universe won't give you strength, it will give you a situation that will show you your strength. You know, oh I love that. So these things that are sent to test us, they are for us. It's not happening to us, it's happening for us. It allows you to step into that. Okay, now there are so many things here that I just really want to unpack. And first of all, I would series. Yeah, my gosh, maybe we need to, yeah, we'll make this into a multi-part episode at this rate.
SPEAKER_01Oh, to not be scared of your own vagina, but 552.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, I love that. But actually thinking about that, let's start there. This is where we are. Let's let's let's face that elephant in the room right now, you know, being scared of your vagina.
SPEAKER_01Let's let's dive in. What do you want to know? I'm an open book.
SPEAKER_00We we we we find this funny now, and that's because you've got to that point where where you are embodied and you're embracing your femininity, your sensuality, your sexuality, and that is such a beautiful place to be. But it can take an awful lot to get to that point because I know so many women that everything you were saying, particularly, and I think this is this this really resonates, particularly with my uh kind of the the people that I know, the people that are mums, especially. This really hits home with that, that showing up for him. Show up for sex for him, um, and you see it as a duty. And what I really, really would love if nothing else, from this episode between us, is that women for women to realize that sex is an absolute fucking joy. Like is amazing, and it's amazing not just because of the physical experience that you can receive, it's uh it's amazing for what it can do for you. So when you are regularly having orgasms, you know, this this podcast is called the big O because of the power behind the orgasm, not just for your physical being, not just for your mental state, not just for your health, there are a lot of health things as well. I've actually just recorded an episode about the the big O. There's this whole episode about the big O and the benefits, and so if you haven't listened to that yet, then then make sure you listen to that. Um but also manifestation creating a life that actually turns you on. So if you think manifestation is literally you bringing into being the things that you want, the things that you're aligned to, when you are in that energy, particularly of the orgasm and and what it's done to your body, that is magnified like tenfold. That is not just your happy feelings, this is like your deep from the soul energy that you are born into that.
SPEAKER_02I wonder everything has gone really well for me the past six months.
SPEAKER_00Well, this is it. I mean, this is it when you get to that, and I mean what I would really love to hear from you is is how this shifts. And I think this is can I just say it's really important to know that hormones, and I think a a lot of the women that are listening that perhaps they have been on the pill. That was a big thing for me when I came off. I didn't realise what it was doing to my body. Wild, it is wild, you know. Um, some people actually benefit from it because they're lacking in hormones, so you know, there's the two sides of the coin as well. Um, and also there's there's women that are going through perimenopause and menopause as well. And I really want to really take note of how much hormones do impact that. And I've really noticed that where I was in chronic stress, it actually triggered perimenopause symptoms, which is is very similar to um, you know, if you're on the pill and that kind of dampening of everything, yeah, fog feeling, all of that. And hormones can really, really, really impact that.
SPEAKER_02They can take so much, however.
SPEAKER_00Here we go, there's the team when you can devote yourself to your pleasure and start with the physical. So the pleasure code which I've developed, the number one is touch. If you can start just there, just there, just with that one, and start embracing your body, start embracing the small pleasures first. You know, we don't have to just dive straight into bed.
SPEAKER_01And you're at the back of Anthony.
SPEAKER_00A lot of the clients that I work with, the women that I work with, you know, being turned on starts when you first wake up. It starts when you first wake up in the morning. When you wake up and everything you do, so if you're waking up and you're like, oh my god, fuck, I'm late, and then I gotta rush around that you are never gonna be a set of pleasure, right?
SPEAKER_02But that's another hormone that spikes their natural cortisol hormone. And that's playing against you completely. I think everybody thinks that hormones are just like the women's sex hormones and like the crazy makers that we get once a month. But no, you're so right. Like when you first wake up in the morning, if you fucked yourself in in the wrong way, not the right way, then yeah, yeah, of course, the soul going and things like that.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Yeah, and if that is prolonged, this is how people can end up getting into chronic stress. This is how you your nervous system becomes really dysregulated, this is how then your protector parts keep showing up, and so on and so forth. So it starts in the morning and it starts with this utter devotion to yourself and putting your pleasure first. Now, I can physically see the the way that you embody the transformation. I would really love for you to kind of describe, I suppose, how you feel it has impacted you, particularly embracing sex.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, well, oh how do I like summarise it? I just feel like I feel so much more confident, just like tenfold, like not only in like what I wear, but like in how I hold myself and in how I speak. And I like I just don't second guess myself all the time. And if I do say something that comes out my mouth, and I'm like, oh, really, should have thought about that. I think, well, actually, no, that's just another bit of me that needs to be embraced. And it goes back to this whole like stepping out of your shoulds philosophy that I kind of live by now, that you know, you're not a donut, not everyone is gonna like you. And I think as soon as you can understand that about your general life, you can start to embrace that about your sexual life and your sexuality. And I think I grew up in a world where I went to boarding school, Catholic boarding school. So it was very much like if you have sex or masturbate, you will go to hell and die. And then that was our sexual education. And that was pretty much it. So whilst I was, you know, promiscuous in my teenagers, as many of us were exploring, there was also a lot of like slut shaming going on and things like that. So it was again, it was reinforcing this belief that if you want sex, if you have sex, then you're a dirty slot and you're going to hell, you're never gonna have happiness. So I think I think I actively pushed it down. And then the hormones from the pill pushed it down. So then when I gave myself space to understand and open up more about the sexual side of me, the sensual side of me, in tandem, I think, and I'm realizing it just now actually, I think I gave myself. Space to open up other parts of me that maybe I'd hidden away and maybe I'd dampened down because of the way in which I thought that happiness looked and the way in which I thought I should be acting. And then I went and got diagnosed with ADHD in February, on top of it all as well. So it's really is like it's it's almost like a gateway. It's like if I once I started to appreciate myself and my body and my wants and my needs and this libido came back into my life, it almost gave me permission to then explore these other areas. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. I literally I've been holding back, wanting to go, yes! Yes, yes, this is it, right? This is oh yes. Now, the act of sex, the act of sexual pleasure, whether that's with yourself, with your partner, what you are essentially doing, oh, there's a few things here, but the two main things for me is that number one, you are surrendering. You are surrendering, and I think us as women, particularly, we hold so much every fucking day of our lives. We are in control of everything. So when you actually allow yourself to receive an orgasm, receive pleasure of any kind, even if you don't reach orgasm, because I know that for some women, particularly at their start of their journey, that is difficult. Yeah, you are surrendering and you are allowing that beautiful feminine energy to flow through you, that pleasure to flow through you. Yes, right, and that opens so much.
SPEAKER_02Let's come back to that. Remind, I'm gonna write that down because I've got something I you just reminded me that I need to share about feminine energy as well. So, yeah, carry on. Sorry.
SPEAKER_00Now, I think then what you're doing by allowing that to flow through you, you are also allowing yourself to receive, which is another thing that a lot of women do not allow, even a compliment. So if I was to say, Hey Liz, what a you your hair looks amazing. Now, the most reactions to that is oh, oh, oh yeah, but look, I I didn't do anything to it this morning, I haven't even brushed it. You know, thank you.
SPEAKER_01I washed it.
SPEAKER_00We push it away, right? We push it away, push it away, push it away. What you're doing when you allow yourself to surrender into pleasure, into physical pleasure, because there's mind, body, soul pleasure, right? It always starts with the body. It always starts with the body because what you're doing here is you're expanding your capacity to receive, you're expanding your yourself, um, your sensuality, your sexuality, your femininity. You're allowing all of that surrender and flow to come through you. And this is why when you talk about things about light manifestation, that is why it amplifies it. Because you need to be able to number one, settle into the feeling, number two, receive. Allow yourself to receive what you actually want. So it's all well and good to say, oh, oh, well, I would really like this. If you're not in a place where you're allowing yourself, even on the basic body physicality level, to receive, then manifesting and and creating a life that actually turns you on is so much harder.
SPEAKER_02That's so true. You you know how some hotels have like mirrors on the ceiling, like not no judgment here, by the way, but like you do you, but I actually want to go and experience one of those. Like, I'm not yet had that experience. I think it'll be either really sexy or just hilarious. One of the two. My point is here, do you think there's scope for us to have a side-by-side hustle of like sealing vision boards? Because from what you're saying, imagine if you're getting yourself off and then you're like looking at this yacht, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. I think we should do that. I feel like that could actually let's let's discuss sealing vision boards further. But actually, I mean, you say that, but a lot of of of my uh desires, if I'm by myself and I'm creating pleasure for myself, then that is is one of the things that I will focus on is is what do I want? What am I allowing myself to receive in my life? Okay, because that is important when you're in that energy. And this is what I mean by turned on by life. It doesn't mean wanting sex every single day, um, for every moment of every day. It may may mean that I'm not done, you know, I'm not taking that away from anyone. If that's no judgment, no judgment. But being turned on by your life is is understanding, number one, understanding what being turned on in your body actually feels like.
SPEAKER_02You know what that's really interesting? Because when I first met you properly, um something you said just like really rang true in my brain, like jangled around me there like a brain scratch. And it was, yeah, I don't do anything unless it turns me on. And then I was like, what do you mean? And you went, Yeah, my business has to turn me on. Like it's not just about the sex, having to turn you on. And then when you said that, I was like, huh, the same. And I thought again, like this is another part of my self-discovery, which I'm so grateful that you have then come into my life to kind of be like, no, it's okay, because I feel like meeting you and you saying that they gave me permission to then be like, well, no, it's okay that success in business three turns me on. Because I thought, again, that was something weird because it's not widely spoken about, is it? But every time I have something successful, you do get that full-body sensation of like turned on accomplishment. And sometimes I want to run home and rip the clothes off my husband, and other times I just sit in that feeling and I'm like, God, this feels good. And then I go and achieve something else.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And since you said that to me, I've now adopted that as one of my philosophies. Like, does it turn me on? Like, no, I'm not fucking doing it then. I'm not doing it.
SPEAKER_00Yes, unless it turns me on. And that is actually a philosophy that I live by now, and that's how I make every decision and every judgment. Because actually, there's a real difference between our brain and our body. Our body will tell you things before your brain does.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, you have to tap into that. I think for so long I walked around. Well, I don't even know if there was a disconnect or if it was just dampened by like, you know, the pill I was on. Like I had chronic stress as well. So, like, there was just there was no feeling anything for a very long time. So I don't know what happened, but I've started to literally get like visceral physical responses before I'll then have a thought process about it. And I'll feel it, and it's like, I really don't know how to explain it, but it's like this shot of electricity that comes through me. And it literally, I was trying to explain this to somebody the other day, and they were looking at me like, you all right. Like, no, it literally comes, I don't know, but I'll just be doing something, and then like I'll just have a thought come into my head, and then this shot of electricity would go through me, and then I'll almost get like winded for a second, like breathless, and then I'll get this like all over tingling sensation, and then I'll feel this hit, this heavy hit of I don't know, serotonin, dopamine, whatever you want to call it. And it's it's like I've just taken a drug just for a few minutes. It's it's amazing. I want to know how to bring that in and harness that more, but I love it when it just comes by because it's such a nice surprise. It's like a little fairy has like come by and gone, whoosh, and I'm like, we're gonna go do this now.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Yeah, and this oh, this is it, right? It's it's feeling into that, into that energy. And so, number one, it's understanding how it feels in your body. So you have recognized already how it feels in your body. So you know that when something is aligned with you, when it is the right decision for you, because remember, this is what this is about, and this is where you need to listen to body over mind, because your mind will try and convince you of the logical. Oh, this makes no logical sense. Don't do that, don't do that. But come into body, that is where the decision can be truly made, and that is where you will feel alignment because your body is very good at recognizing when something is not right and when something is right. So if you've tuned in, you're saying this, it's a feeling of electricity. For me, it starts really down in my base, my root, my sacral kind of chakra, and I get this kind of it's like a butterfly feeling. It's the only way I can kind of describe it. And then what happens is is if I really feel into that, then that uh that I have to sit with that feeling to understand, okay, what what is this the right way? And what will happen is it kind of spreads up into my kind of heart space, and then I have expansion. That's for me when it drops in. That's when yes, this is the right path, this is the right choice. So it will feel different for everyone. So, number one is about really feeling that for yourself and understanding what that feels like for you, okay. Um because then you can kind of start to really recognize the signs within your own body, which is when you get to make very aligned choices. So when I say I will not do it unless it turns me on, so unless I can feel that in my body, and sometimes it can literally physically turn me on in the sexual way as well.
SPEAKER_01I'm about to make a lot of money.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, when I started choosing myself and making this is this so basically when I started choosing myself, um, particularly when my um relationship fell away and I had but I made that decision, I had a kundalini energy awakening, which I had no idea what it was until it was explained to me. And I was like, okay, I couldn't even sit down, you know, without feeling turned on. It was ridiculous. Oh, and what I realized about that experience now. Um, it was incredibly intense, it was very unexpected. I had no idea what it was until I actually had it. But what I know that triggered it was that I chose myself after such an incredibly long time. You know, everything you said, I think a lot of people can relate to burnout, no time, fractured, thinking they hated sex. I thought I hated sex. In fact, I just didn't feel safe. Like I thought that me saying that the pleasure activator.
SPEAKER_02Imagine if five years ago that you now, yeah, like you know, the four of us were in a room like five years ago, me. They'd be like, we're we're gonna be talking about this publicly. Oh, it's not busy bird. Well, I don't know why past me as French, but it's not Bussy Bell. But we'd be there, like, yeah, and I'd rather be talking about it, but we're having it, we're having great sex without shame.
SPEAKER_00Without shame. And I think this is really, really, really important. Like, particularly you saying about the way that you were brought up, because the way that you're brought up, the people that you're around, I I say over and over again, you are the average of the five people you spend time with. So if you are with people that have a very opposed opinion about this, number one decide, is it your opinion? Is that yours? And can I just say if you're here, if you're listening to us and you're listening to this conversation, then I I would I would uh I pretty much vote that that's not your actual opinion and your true self-desires this. Otherwise, I don't think you'd be here.
SPEAKER_02I feel like there's gonna be some people listening to this podcast, but doing anything where they like listen to it and then like delete their history on Spotify. And I say that because I was that person for such a long time, and like I was just so curious about things that I felt like I didn't have access to, and I never felt like I could ask those questions to anybody either. So a lot of this journey has been on my own and working these things out and understanding that there's words for these different desires and kinks and stuff like that, and there is no right way to express your sexuality, there's just your own way. And that's such a powerful thing. It comes back to the whole choosing yourself thing and stepping away from the norm. Like the people who used to actively say like, lose you're scared of your own vagina. Like, I took I took that on, I embodied that, and I was like, maybe I just hate sex, maybe I am scared of my vagina. I don't want to know what's going on down there. That the pandemic came around and I couldn't see them for 15 months.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. And that's oh my gosh. I mean, there's so much to the pleasure code, but one of the things is environment, and that I'm very, very clear that that includes people. That does include people. And you know, when you go through this journey, and can I just say that anybody that that wants to go through this journey, I do run my pleasure activations, so please do come along. They are free. You can come and just settle into this, come and observe for a while, even if you like. You know, this is what they're doing.
SPEAKER_02Hammer off, iPhone has joined the meeting, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and and come and just feel into this because the reason I do this is because we don't understand this, we don't understand this framework of of what our pleasure actually takes, because it's so much more people instantly relate it to having sex, but there's so much more than that. Before you can get to sex, you know, we we we we are taught this. Well, if you're lucky enough, you're taught this that that there needs to be a degree of foreplay, okay, before you can feel aroused. Yeah. So this is what we're doing with our life here. Okay, we are playing, we are in that zone of playing, we are exploring, we are using our unique pleasure code. So if you want to learn about that, then come and find me because I do run different things to do with that. So you're learning your unique pleasure code and you are playing with it. You are gradually through these little acts turning yourself on. So you think about the best sex that you've had, you don't just open your legs and wham bam, thank you, ma'am. You know, that is not how that is not what feels good, right? This is when you're in this place of oh I haven't got time, it's not comfortable, oh just it's Sunday afternoon, must be a wife. Good sex is actually particularly for women because we are turned on in different ways to men, but we have to be aroused, mind, body, and soul for it to feel really good. So this is what we're doing with our life here. We are arousing mind, body, and soul. We are creating a life where everything that we're doing in that life we are excited about. Now, that does not mean that everything out of our life is supposed to be easy and pleasant, because obviously, if we want to achieve something, sometimes it means doing some fucking hard work. But the point is, if you are truly aligned to it, if it is what you brings you pleasure, then that hard work is so much easier than if it's something you hate.
SPEAKER_02Right. And you're gonna get more excited about it, you're gonna get so much more excited about it, and you can see the end result, and then you get attached to the success that comes on the other side, and like I get it, like not everybody's as insane as us to want to be entrepreneurs. So, like, I under, I do understand that, but you can apply that to other things like big jobs at work or like going for that scary promotion. I mean, my husband hopefully hope he won't mind me saying this. It's happening now, isn't it? But he's um he is in the process of going through some exciting big career changes, and you know, we've gone through all the motions of like self-doubt, anxiety, fear, worry, and then something has clicked in the last couple of days where internally I think he's gone, yeah, actually, I can do this, and I know that this is possible. And even if I don't necessarily get it, I'm gonna go for it anyway. And then there's been a shift in it, the way in which, like subtle things, he holds himself, the way in which he talks himself, like the confidence comes out. And that happens for us, as women. And I think if we just give ourselves fucking permission to understand that not everything we go for has to be successful, we can just get excited about it anyway. Then maybe the world is going to be a much more exciting place for all of us because I fail all the time and I get excited about fucking things up because the sooner I can fuck something up, the sooner I can figure it out. And that goes for like life, business, like sexual positions. I mean, how many times have we attempted to do something and fallen? I gave uh my husband a strip tease once, fell over and gave myself concussion. Probably won't be doing it again when I gave it a go.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that is of that. Oh, yeah, I love that. For me, this is about really redefining success, isn't it? It's that's what you're doing here. You are redefining what success actually means, and that is such a beautiful conversation. Um, which yeah, I think is really beneficial, and actually, I think is a good, I will record a podcast episode, a separate one, about that because that is so important. Yeah, yes. And I think, you know, coming back to that, what you were saying, particularly about seeing it in your husband, seeing it in yourself, this is what this work does. This is what pleasure does, is it opens you up, it opens you up to possibilities. And as you very well said, you do not need to be a business owner, you do not need to be, you know, any particular thing. This can be applied to every area, you know, whatever you're doing, as long as you are there and you are feeling that joy and pleasure for what you do and you are loving it, this is where you get to really choose yourself. This is where you're showing up for yourself, this is where you're expanding your capacity, and this is where confidence uh comes in, actually. Now, for me, there's there's different elements of confidence. So you've got this kind of removing of the shame, first of all. So I think that can be that can be shame around anything. And I think a body is a really good place to start. You know, your your own personal pleasure is a really good place to start. But when we talk about removing shame, I mean that's so much like you said earlier about oh, worried about things you're gonna say, worried about judgment. This is where people's in, you know, stuff like that steps in, self-sabotage getting all tongue twisted, self-sabotage. Because because of the shame, because of that shame. So it starts by removing that, and your body is such a beautiful place to start with that. Start with your own pleasure there. It's also about honoring your own cycles, your own seasons. And can I just be really clear on saying not your old version of yourself? A lot of people when they start this work and start this journey, it's like, I just wanna, I just wanna be me again.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, hate that. No, and we sat off.
SPEAKER_00But the one thing I want to say about that is that what you're what you're missing there is a version of yourself, perhaps where you were a little bit freer, but your your old version of yourself is not a place you want to go back to. You you can't go backwards, first of all. But secondly, what you're actually desiring there is to find out your true self, not go back to your old self, find out your true self, because actually you may never have given yourself the the opportunity to learn about yourself fully in the first place. So there's a there's a lot around that. I've actually got a whole week of contact coming coming out around that because that is so important.
SPEAKER_03Um it also much, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yes, being clear on your needs, and I'm gonna add in there your desires. Desires, that radical self-awareness is so important, and also really honoring yourself, your positive qualities. Like I love what you're doing right now, and all of this journey that you've been on, people telling you you should be this, you should be this, this is a problem. Now, what you're doing, and the way that you're living and the way you're showing up, is you're just fully embodying your true self.
SPEAKER_02I have such strong boundaries now as well, such strong boundaries, to the point where I have, you know, I've lost some friendships along the way. I have very strict boundaries in posed with my family as well, to the point where I got a second phone at one point and no one was allowed that phone number apart from like four people, just because I felt like I needed space to work out who I was becoming, and there were people pulling me from all these different directions and commenting on things. And I think when you allow people to give you a running commentary to your life, I think that's where you can get really confused. So I just pulled away, and now I have really strong boundaries, and I am not afraid to say no to people. I'm like, I'm not doing that, it's not happening. I don't enjoy it. And they're like, You're so selfish. And I go, thank you. I've worked really hard on that. Thank you for calling me selfish.
SPEAKER_00That reframe, yeah. So for me, I mean, that that comes up so much, the word selfish. And I I the reframe for me is selfful. You are self-yeah, love it. You are you are there showing up for yourself because you cannot possibly show up for other people that you actually want to show up for. Can I just add that, you know, this is a choice, always a choice. Um always a choice. Yeah, but you cannot do that unless you are showing up for yourself first. Because if you are depleted, if you are exhausted, if you are uh burnt out, you can't you have nothing left to give anyone else anyway, right? Nothing left to give anyone else. Now, I think you know, to to sum up this glorious conversation.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, we can listen all the hour, couldn't we?
SPEAKER_00For me, um when we are talking about the kind of the start of this journey, and perhaps you are beginning to to make these choices, or perhaps you're kind of midway through. I think for me, confidence, you know, if we come back to to what you do, your speciality, that beautiful confidence that you embody yourself, for me it comes down to a really simple thing. Doing the thing you say you're going to do.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00So honoring yourself enough because then what you're doing, you are telling yourself that you can do it, first of all. You're honoring your own voice, your own word, and what I do is all about reclaiming your body. Reclaiming your voice, reclaiming your power, right? You're honoring your own word, and you are actually fucking choosing yourself and showing it up for your right. Because what you were saying about body language, like the to me, the way you hold yourself even, what you put on in the morning, the way you treat yourself, we're so rough with our bodies, right? We should be honoring them like a fucking temple. They do so much for us, and this is where the pleasure comes in. This is the key to it. If you want to be the person that does the things that they say they're gonna do, that has that confidence, that shows up, that holds themselves beautifully, then come back to pleasure every single time. Honour yourself enough to give yourself that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, they literally built ancient cultures on this shit. Like, I don't know where it got lost along the way. I know. I don't want to get into a religion debate here, but they built some really cool shit when they were basing their life off this ethos way back when. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, indeed. So would you say there's anything in particular that particularly that's related to your journey and where you've been, is there one thing that you would like to maybe share with our listeners that would help them to maybe embrace their own confidence?
SPEAKER_02I think the thing that rings around in my head whenever I have that fear of judgment or that fear of failure start to creep in because we all get it, like even I get imposter syndrome sometimes when my energy dips. And the thing that pushes me forwards into doing the ridiculous, I suppose, is if it makes you happy, it doesn't have to make sense to anybody else. And once I started to just I have that as like a mantra now, like over and over again, if it makes me happy, it doesn't have to make sense to anybody else. And that we are under no obligation to be who we were five minutes ago. So you can keep growing, you can keep changing, you can keep evolving. And at no point should you ever feel the need to explain yourself to somebody. And if they try and bring you back down, you just gotta cut them off. You've got to cut them off because people don't like it when you change, they like it when you stay in their comfort zone. So if somebody is, you know, saying that you're rubbing them up the wrong way. I mean, I guess it's time to have that conversation of like, I'm just gonna transition out of this friendship, I'm gonna transition out of this relationship because I just need to choose me for a bit. And it's making me happy so it doesn't have to make sense to you. And then that that's empowerment, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Oh my gosh, I love that. And actually, can I just say change is the only thing, the only thing that's certain.
SPEAKER_01Like it's the only thing you know, so do something again.
SPEAKER_00Change is the only thing that's certain, that is what is supposed to happen, and that is often where that uncomfortableness is, and that is why you need to embrace it. It's like like the lobster, that's that's what happens. It becomes it grows and grows, becomes so uncomfortable, and then that the shell has to break off so that you can grow a new shell. And oh god, that's just so important to remember. So important to remember. Oh, what an absolutely glorious conversation. I feel like there's gonna be a part two to this at some point.
SPEAKER_03We've touched on half of the things that we were gonna talk about.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. So we um will come back, we will organize another one, we will do a part two to this glorious conversation, but it's been such a pleasure. Now, before we go, I just want to remind you that if you want to take this work deeper, my signature program, Evolution, is there. It's a 12-week intensive program that helps you to strip away the good girl, the shoulds, and create a life that turns you on. And these are tools that you will learn that will last you a lifetime. So if you want to find out about that, you can find me at joycemisfit.com. You can find me on all the social medias at joyousmisfit. And Elizabeth, I'd love it if you could share where people could find you.
SPEAKER_02You want to come and hang out in my corner of the internet. Um, there are two ways. So there's at that coach Liz on all my social medias for social media and confidence tips. And if you want to come on this crazy journey of body positivity, just search my full name, Elizabeth Carly Leonard. That's Elizabeth with an S, by the way. My parents hate me. Elizabeth Carly Leonard on any social media platform because I'm all about the curvy girls can do it too vibes on there.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, amazing! Thank you so much. I'd highly recommend you going to find her. She's so inspirational, it's so so good to work, and actually, really funny videos as well. I really like watching them so it's awesome. Thank you so much for coming on today. It's been an absolute pleasure, and I cannot wait for our next episode. So take it.
SPEAKER_02Me too to be continued.
SPEAKER_00Yes, definitely.
