The Big O
The Big O Podcast... Oh yes, the BIG O(gasm) that we all need to experience, regularly... explores ways to elevate yourself and your business using your Pleasure! Where you learn how to step into the true YOU unapologetically! Unashamedly embodying your Femme Fatale energy so that you can be SEEN and HEARD, with pure magnetism! It's time for you to get turned on by your life and business, and experience the Big O!
The Big O
Breathing into Pleasure with Joe Sharpe
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In this episode, I talk to Joe Sharpe from Intrinity Coaching, who is a relationship and Breathwork Coach. We discuss the power of breathwork and how this can be used with desire to help you to breath into Pleasure!
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The Pleasure Code Academy is where you learn how to use your the art of Sensual Somatics - so if you are ready to take this work deeper, book a call with me using the link below!
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Hello and welcome to the Big O podcast with me, your host, Emma Arini. I am the business dating coach, speaker, and photographer, also known as the Joyce Miss Fit. I use social schematics to help you to be seen, to be heard, and to be unapologetically you so that you can embody your deeply sensual feminine presence and become wildly magnetic in your life and business. The Big O explores ways that you can use your pleasure to elevate yourself and your business, where you learn how to relate and express yourself unashamedly, embracing your femme fatale energy. So it's time for you to get turned on by your life and business and to experience the Big O. Hello and welcome back to the Big O podcast. I am so super excited to be with you again this week. And I am got a very special guest with me today. I have got Joe Sharp. He is a relationship and breath work coach, an absolute expert when it comes to using breath to calm your body. And I cannot wait to have this beautiful conversation with him about breathing into pleasure. Hello, Joe. Welcome.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00Oh, absolute pleasure. I would absolutely love it if you could introduce yourself to those that perhaps haven't come across you before.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, of course. Um, so I'm a relationship and breath work coach. Um, I got into it through my own challenges, um, especially around anxious attachment for relationships. It's something I sort of was is a bit of my kryptonite for for most of my life, really. And so really struggling to deepen that connection and intimacy, um, or needing it, feeling that I needed it because I didn't realize that it was always within me. So that was the big paradigm shift for me. Um, and try so yeah, I try and support people to re-remember that um and just live a life that feels exciting and nice.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, oh my gosh, I really, really understand that because I think this this is why we ended up in conversation and kind of connected in the first place was that that connection between what you do and and pleasure, you know, what I do, and and about I think it really supports, like you were saying, a little bit about your story and and releasing things that you've challenges, shall we say, that you've come across, particularly around ancient and anxious attachment. And I think this is where that's so important because this is what pleasure can help you to do, this is what breath can help you to do. It kind of unlocks that that deep inner wisdom, that inner knowing that we already have within us. And this is why I'm so excited about our conversation today, as you already know. The excitement level here is high because I think the thing about this is it is it's transformative. When you know this and when you can tap into this, you have this tool that you can use and utilize whenever you need. And that is just such a beautiful gift. And I'm so happy that we're gonna be sharing that um with our beautiful audience here today. So, oh where do we start with this subject? I think what I'd really love to get your perspective on is that kind of relationship between between pre pleasure and breath. So, between what both you and I do and what we specialise here in. Um, so I would I would kind of love to know a little bit more about how doing this work yourself supported you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so I I guess for the the first era of my life, um, I definitely did seek out pleasure. So sort of like the hedonistic, the hedonistic way of seeking out pleasure to actually calm myself and to calm my nervous system. So I've always had that um appreciation of pleasure. Um but it was coming from a place that was feeling unsettled as a baseline and so there wasn't a true appreciation of pleasure or or an allowing of pleasure to last. It was more just uh how can I get a fix, whether that was with drugs or sex or whatever. It was just seeking out this so I felt okay inside, and so my nervous system would settle down and relax. Um that was definitely my experience with that. Um But I do believe pleasure is just inherent in our being. And it is a state that is just true to everyone. I mean, look at children running around like they're just enjoying themselves in pleasure. They're they're not in this inner sexual pleasure, but they're pleasuring themselves with a swing or with a whatever toy that they're using in that sort of frame of mind. And then um I'd say that we can block ourselves off to that as we turn into adults and we as in add in our judgments as well. Um and if we add on some traumas on top of that, and we close down our body energetically and we disconnect from our body, um, that's uh uh a good equation for disconnecting from the pleasure that we kind of naturally are. Um so breath in regards to that can serve in so many ways. I mean, just calming the nervous system down to be able to access pleasure that's always there is a nice one, but also using it for me, you know, to release any blocks and traumas as well. Um it's a really great tool for that. So more intense breath work sessions can serve just to switch off the thinking mind for a little bit and let the body do what the body knows how to do, which is show you what you need to be shown, release what needs to be released, um, and free up more of a aligned thing. It's not new, like obviously the yogic principles knew about this for thousands of years. So it's just yeah, re-revisiting all of this wisdom that's always around.
SPEAKER_00I think this is the thing, is so many people have forgotten. And I love what you're saying about children and working with children for so many years, you know, 15 years working with children, having my own children, um, having younger like I feel like my whole life I've been surrounded by by children. And I think the gift, the beautiful gift that that has given me is that natural ability to be able to connect because I've I've spent my whole life surrounded by it. But most people don't have that opportunity, and therefore we do forget. We forget. And you're saying about breath, breath is so natural, it's the most natural thing we do. And yet, often it's the thing that we we close off. So if we're we're in fear, then naturally we hold our breath. You know, we just like it's it's the it's instant, isn't it? It's the first thing that goes. And yet, if we can keep the most natural thing regular, we we get to kind of return to that natural state, which I think so many people have forgotten because of the way we live our lives now. And I don't think it's just that. We we get taught, we get taught that um there that pleasure is bad. And that's because actually, by being in your pleasure, you are being in your power. So, of course, if you want a specific kind of structure, a specific kind of social construct, if you want specific things to be happening, you know, that will serve uh, you know, a certain agenda, then of course the biggest message message is gonna want to lead people away from actually standing in their power. And this is why, you know, my absolute favorite phrase is pleasure is the ultimate act of rebellion. Because if you love what you do, if you are open, if you are connected with yourself, you are standing in your power. And of course, that goes against kind of what we get taught, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I want to just mirror both sides of that as well, because I mean the hedonistic pleasure in terms of a form of escapism probably doesn't necessarily serve long term, but it does serve in that moment because it's exactly what you need in that moment. But you're right, pleasure for actual power and standing in your own sovereignty and authority is is really, really key, um, and is a beautiful thing that was definitely seemed to be hushed down a little bit by the church or or whatever institutions there were there. But that's not to say that there's not some brilliant messages within religion and the church and spirituality, because I think there is as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think this is it when you talk about that that kind of the fix, the pleasure fix, shall we say. And I think to me, even that I see with love because to me that doing a lot of work, being somatic trauma-informed, I've learned a lot about your protector parts, and that is a protector part. That's a protector part coming back, trying to release you from a trauma, trying to protect you from feeling the pain that that fix is is is masking. And of course, your instinctive natural self knows that pleasure is a way of doing that. It is a portal because pleasure is this beautiful portal that when we can tap into and when we can open the power that kind of comes through from that, because what it does is it brings you to body, which, of course, if you're looking for pleasure, one of the key indicators that you've found it is you get a sense of relief. It is relief, and it could be relief in the fact that you feel relaxed, it could be relief in the fact that you're actually laughing because you've been playing, it could be relief in the fact that you're orgasming and you're you're enjoying that moment because it's a full body experience, which is why you know, with what I do being somatic, it's all about starting with the body, which of course is where breath comes in. Because what is the best and most natural way to connect with your physical being, it's your breath, right?
SPEAKER_03Breathe into it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It is, it's and and what happens there, what I find with a lot of the women that I work with and support, they spend so much time in their heads, and I think actually most people, right?
SPEAKER_01That was men, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, most people when we are disconnected and we you know, we have all of these protector parts at work, we we're trying not to feel, so we do, and and then we just get trapped in our own minds because there's so much. And and actually, um, talking to some of my clients last night, we were actually having this conversation about have you ever driven somewhere or you know, been on a journey somewhere, and suddenly it's like you wake up and you're there, and yet you've you can't recall any of the journey, you know? And that illustrates so clearly how much we can get so in our mind that we're not even aware of our surroundings.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly that.
SPEAKER_00And it's it's a trap, it's it's a cage to me. That feels like a cage. And I think one of my key core words through my entire journey, and those of you that have been listening for a while, you'll know my journey. I've talked about this from the beginning. You know, I'm not shy about saying some of the things that kind of I went through. But one of the key words that triggered and got me through the transition was freedom. And at the time, I didn't know what that meant. I thought that meant freedom from like a job that I wasn't happy in anymore. But it was so much more than that. It was so much more. And it was freedom, it's it's freeing yourself, doing this work, you know, whether it's through breath, whether it's through through pleasure, whether it's combining the both. And actually, there's other methods as well. I just find pleasure for me is the has the greatest impact, shall we say. Um, but what it actually does is it frees you from that cage that we put ourselves in by being in our mind all the time, because it brings us directly back to sensations, it brings back us back to the physical. So it always starts with body. And I think the beautiful thing here as well is that when you start tapping into this and you start tapping into this beautiful portal, then what you're actually always doing is beginning to connect to what your your purpose is. Because if you're being led from a place of pleasure, then naturally you're gonna instinctively. One of the things you said to me at the start was, and I like trees. And it's because you know, your body knows that if you are if you are around nature, for example, now as you can see, like my whole house, so that I've got that everywhere, is because I need to feel connected with that because it opens up that portal. Yeah, and yeah, and I think this this to me um really like the embodiment of embodiment, you know.
SPEAKER_01If you look at a tree, it's it's directly rooted into the ground, you know, the same height that that it goes up, it goes down. So it's a perfect balance of rooted, but also open to expansion.
SPEAKER_00That's it, and this is it. And and I think if you if you look at your own journey, how has this kind of work? How is this can you feel that this is leading to you to your purpose? Can you feel that this is this is creating that kind of pool? And kind of how how do you feel that with the work that you do?
SPEAKER_01This is a constant um thing for me, and it has been for the last sort of year or two, is really you know, diving into what purpose is as well. Um and for most of my life I attached that to a to an outcome. So my purpose is an outcome, or my purpose is to serve others, or my purpose is to whatever. Um, but it just the the deeper that I go is always the purpose just seems to be how much can you be? That's it. Because when you are truly being, it just gives permission for others to do the exact same thing. And then of course the creative magic comes from that. It's like watching the intricacy of plant life grow in and around itself, you know, it just it doesn't think about what it's doing, it just does. It's got these simple things that it kind of is guided by sunlight and air and all of these different things, but it just it just grows and flows and moves and ebbs and flows and creates this perfectly balanced life expression of which we grew up with. So obviously we're part of that. And so the the more we can tap back into that, the more we tap back into our essence of being, and the more harmoniously we can live alongside that as well. So I feel like this work also supports our sustainability in terms of how we go and thrive on this planet.
SPEAKER_00It's so it's this is it's I feel like every time you kind of peel back a layer, there's another one underneath and another one and another one. Because when you really tune into this, it can go so deep and have such a huge impact. And I think this is the key here is a lot of people they start this work trying to shift like something very surface level in their life.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then you start tapping into it and you realize, you know, you kind of get past that surface level, and it's like, oh, there's another bit down here. Oh, there's another bit. And then what it actually does is it impacts so much more than just us. It impacts the people that that surround us, and actually it can have a global impact, like what you're saying, when you really get to the root of it and you you do discover your purpose and you find like your call in and what you're being pulled towards right now, and that sustainability and kind of preserving life, essentially, it it can can you see the impact that this can have? It's it's huge, absolutely huge. And what I love, love, love, love about what you just said was that when a plant is growing, it doesn't think about what it's doing, it just does it, right? And this is where the disconnect is for us as people, because we think about everything and actually don't always do, don't always be.
SPEAKER_01Don't lots of subconscious beliefs that come into play there as well.
SPEAKER_00Exactly right. We've we've kind of been programmed. And and it's even um so so with my training around trauma and the nervous system, um, part of that was looking at the the the way that animals react and their their instinctive reaction when they've been under attack, is they they kind of they shake, they kind of shake their whole body, they shift their energy. Us as humans, we've learned our brain has gone, no, hang on, hang on, you're gonna look weird. Don't do that. So we suppress it, right? So this is and this is where it gets stuck in our body. Yeah, this is where it gets stuck because we we have taught ourselves to suppress and hold, and then of course it gets stuck, it creates traumas, it creates wounds, and then these other parts of us are having to come into play. Can you see? We've made it incredibly complicated, and that's why I think what is so beautiful about what both you and I do here is the absolute simplicity of being. Breathing is the most natural state. Okay, being in pleasure is the state that we are born into. Like we're when we are children, that is that is naturally what we're seeking all the time, is what is gonna be the most fun, right?
SPEAKER_01There was a nice video the other day, or today, actually, and it was this kid who was just eating this chocolate bar, or uh, every all the adults around him are doing the meditation, and he's just having the best time just eating this chocolate bar, and then he's like, Oh, yeah, I should be meditating. Yes, he's just enjoying himself, which is what they're trying to connect to, which is their natural state. So he's kind of teaching everybody, but they've all got their eyes closed and he's just there, they should just be watching him.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, I love that. And that that just makes me think of all the hundreds of children that I've worked with over the years and how witnessing that in them, and it's it is such a beautiful way of being. And I think when you can truly connect back to that, because we are we have that in us, and I think this is the key thing. And what I say to all of the women, particularly when they're starting this journey, is that this isn't something that you have to learn. This isn't a thing, a skill you add on. It's naturally there, it's already within you that future projection of yourself, all the things that you actually want and deeply desire. And this is where that kind of crossover between desire and pleasure comes in, those kind of deep desires that you hold, even if that's just a feeling, that's already there. What the problem is, is that there's just a gap. There's a gap between kind of you being in that natural state and being with that feeling and you being in your mind and going, let me think about this and every factor. And this is what we see in children, and this is why they're such beautiful teachers, is because they they run around, they eat the chocolate bar in the middle of a meditation, they are led by pleasure, yeah. And what a beautiful state to be in.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this is it, you know, and I think this is what we mean by being. It is literally it's just doing the thing you want to do.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think the thing is, the thing that we've got taught about that is that like is the guilt, is the shame. There's so much shame around this, and this is why, you know, I've spoken to you before about when I've put um my free masterclasses out and I might be running an ad or something like that. Even using the word pleasure, this is how ingrained it is. According to my ads, I am classed as adult services purely because I use that word. Because and this is what we're talking about here. There's such a we have been taught it's so ingrained in the system that it's bad, and yet it's not, it's a natural state of being.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_00And this is the thing, this is and this is what we're trying about.
SPEAKER_01So we would have just gone mad on it. So it's just it makes sense to do that, um, and to really trust that because that is an expression of nature just coming through. I think how it's shifted is obviously as a society shifted and the food systems have shifted, then that pleasure then becomes unhealthy because people have changed and adapted the food that we actually kind of would have had around us. And so the closer we get back to that, the more we can then just reconnect to our basic pleasure again.
SPEAKER_00And this is it, and this is where, and I think there is a fear around pleasure, and there's a fear around kind of, I suppose, hurting other people, and you know, there is all of that because that that is real, that is a real side of it. That is a real, you know, and like you're saying about the unhealthy side of it, and that is real. And I think the the the issue is there, is that like you said before, it's being used as a fix. It's not actually, you're not attuned to it, you're not aligned to it, it's not that portal that you've opened up is just like an add-on. It's like a whatever the way I describe it, it's like a nicotine patch, right? You're just you're putting a patch on, you're not actually incorporating that into your being. When you actually do this work and you really connect with it and you're connecting with your true self and you're you're leading from that place, then it's so natural. And you do, you're so full, you're complete, you're not seeking external validation or fixes, and therefore you're naturally caring for and nurturing for those around you. So that fear is not even a thing, it's not even there because you're coming from this beautiful. Place of truth. And then you're naturally actually, then that impacts on other people. And actually, then there it's like a permission piece. They say, Oh, okay, I could do this too. And again, can you see like the ripple effect of that and how that can kind of extend out? And this is the power of it. Because as soon as one person starts connecting with that and starts doing that and starts leading from that, that will then have, say, an impact on the three people they're around. And then they start doing it. And then that will have a further impact. And this is how we change things in the long term, for real. Because and it's so this is where that power is. And this is why at the moment there is a shift happening, but this is a little bit of a battle right now because we're going against this whole construct that's been created that has taught us that this is bad. And this is why it always comes back to, always comes back to that natural state of being, which of course, as I've said before, breath is so essential to that. It brings us back, right? It brings us back to the here and now. And if you haven't actually, if you're listening to this and you haven't read the book, The Power of Now, I'd actually really recommend that just to kind of kickstart because that's such a beautiful book to remind you, because this is what this is. We're reminding, we're reminding our bodies, we're reminding ourselves, and we're reminding each other that this is actually possible. And this is just a totally different way of being, of existing. And it's so beautiful when you see it, when I see the clients that I'm working with, and and the shift in when they're they're within my program in evolution, and you see the see the shift at the beginning where they're just there's absolutely no faith in themselves, no trust in themselves. And then they do this work and they actually start giving themselves permission to connect with this. And every time you connect with your pleasure, your joy, you're expanding your capacity to receive it. So the more you do it, the more you practice it, the stronger that gets. And then the transition that I see is incredible, absolutely incredible. They can't even recognize the person they were. So if you think if that's the evolution journey is just four months, imagine if you're doing it for a year, five years, 10 years, the impact that can have, right?
SPEAKER_01Massively, massively. So even though the programs finished now, I'll still use them, you know, almost daily on myself. And it really does just compound over time as well. It's it's being able to use them, you know, as those issues come up, as I'm triggered, as something comes up for me, as I'm judging myself for not being enough, whatever it might be. In that moment, can I breathe into it, can I deepen that thing? Then can I do some of the mindset stuff around it too, to kind of shift that so it doesn't necessarily recur. But it's yeah, it's a really it's a fun game.
SPEAKER_00It is, and and this is it, is it gives you a toolkit, right? It gives you a toolkit to always call back on. So the same, like like what you're saying there, breathing into it. That's actually a hard thing because what most people forget to do, or actually, no, they're too scared to do, is to feel that. And so what most people do is to try and escape it instead, right?
SPEAKER_01Because there's often emotion that comes with that as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01So if we're in a public place and we're like, oh fuck, like I'm really feeling some grief underneath this, you know, there's a real uh that adds another layer of judgment, then you know, I can't feel this grief here in this public place.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Oh, the amount of people that I've seen trying to force themselves to stop crying, for example, you know, because there is there's this shame and guilt, and yet it's so natural. Yeah, it's so natural. And actually, one of if if if nothing else from listening to this today, I would really love you to understand the importance of feeling it, of breathing into it, and of allowing whatever you're feeling, because otherwise, what and actually I was having this conversation this morning um with a client around anger and them feeling angry. Angry anger is a beautiful cover emotion. And every single time, if you're feeling anger, it means you're feeling something else underneath. And if you can sink into that feeling and allow yourself with you know, try and do it, even though you're scared, because I know it's scary. But if you can get to the bottom of what the root emotion is, that's when you actually get to heal it. Yeah, and that's transformative, and then we find that we tend to get less angry, yes, there's less of that trigger there coming through, exactly, because you actually know what the trigger is, and this is it. Oh my gosh, this is what it comes back to all the time: self-awareness, radical self-awareness. This is about knowing yourself, and the only way you're gonna learn to know yourself is to actually connect with yourself, to connect with your body, to really feel whatever you're feeling within your body first, and then you know, that's when the thinking is very useful after that, because then you can really feel into it, right? So when we get to you know, you were talking about.
SPEAKER_01Because if we don't, if we don't sort of necessarily address the thinking, we can just repeat that pattern in the body as well. So it's kind of releasing from the body, but ensuring a bit bringing some awareness to the mind as well, so we don't kind of add another little self-judgment trauma layer on top of whatever we've just released. Otherwise, we just get caught in that cycle.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly, exactly that. And this is where you know, I was what I was gonna say was when you refer to the tree, that balance between the roots and the kind of tree, and this is this is exactly it, right? It's kind of the outward and the inward, getting that balance, that beautiful harmony between both.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_01Getting some good leave.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I know, you know, we've talked about and and actually on my social. If you follow me on social at Joyce Misfit, if you follow my content, um a lot of the time I kind of refer back to the feminine and the masculine energy or the the the flow and the go energy. And this is where, again, getting that beautiful balance between both is knowing about when to surrender, when to allow, when to release that beautiful feminine flow energy, and then when to take action. And then that's obviously when the mind is very useful, because then it instructs the body to do the things that you actually want to do and achieve. And this is how we get to move past these traumas and these blocks. And it's such a beautiful play. And I think what I love about kind of what you do here is where you get to really focus on that breath, you're training yourself to do exactly that, to balance the masculine and the feminine, to balance the flow and the go energy, right? Because that's how how breath works. And actually, I would love to hear like that that journey with a client, what that kind of looks like in in what that training actually looks like with regards to breath, I suppose.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So breath is really flexible, so it can kind of do lots of different things for us in different times, depending on what we need. Um towards the beginning of working with somebody, you wouldn't necessarily, depending on the individual, of course, you wouldn't necessarily jump into a full-on deep um breath work session because it might be too much for them. So if they're experiencing some trauma, they might just need some grounding and some support, um, and just kind of connecting to themselves in more sort of gentle somatic ways, just noticing what's going on in the room around them and and kind of bringing them into presence. Um, and then also supporting them with mindset first as well. So not necessarily jumping straight into sort of deep breath work practices. Um, but just to calm our nervous system, extending the exhale is a really simple, easy thing to do. So if you breathed in for four seconds, just breathe out for eight seconds. Um just double or it doesn't even need to be double. It's just about bringing an awareness to slightly extending the exhale. And if you do that for a few minutes, you're just gonna calm down or relax anyway. Um the other side of the breath is using it almost like an excavation tool, I suppose. So if we're if we've got some deeper stuff going on, that we're getting to the point where we're ready to explore that, we can kind of really dive deep and um kind of activate and put a lot of energy into the body just so things have um an opportunity to move around and the energy has an opportunity to move around, be sensed, be felt, and eventually move through if people feel like they're in a safe container and a safe space to do that. So you don't necessarily want to push people too soon into that. And if you do, you want to make sure that they're feeling safe and grounded. Um otherwise it can be you know slightly too activating for people. So it's just finding that sweet spot and that balance. Um but for people who are stuck in their mind or their mindset about lots of different things, which was me. Um so I can definitely speak firsthand from that. It's a really nice tool just to start to notice and understand the body and the wisdom that it's got there. Because it's got all of the answers that we need. Um and anxiety can be a really great signpost. So rather than something that we want to avoid, it's like, hey, can we actually breathe into that sensation of anxiety? Like, does it have anything to say to us? Does it you know, what does it want to offer us? How can we offer it safety? What's it looking for? Does it want love, compassion, just to be seen, to be witnessed, whatever that is. Um, and that will then allow that to shift and maybe connect to some of the deeper memories or some past experiences or or whatever it may be. And then obviously as that moves, we then have the opportunity to integrate that and just kind of take some steps forwards to whatever our vision or you know quest in life is at the time.
SPEAKER_00It's a journey, right? Yeah, 100%. And actually, yeah, I think what you said about anxiety, I used to have quite a lot of panic attacks, and and what I realized was that when I stopped, don't matter where I was, what I was doing, just stopped and breathed. That was often what got me out of it. But that took a long time for me to learn because when you're in it, you're with you're in panic, and like you said, then another layer comes into it, and that that fear around the judgment of people that are around you, and all of the you know, all of this, and and this is where really allowing that flow energy in and that that release in because that also means releasing the judgment that you're having of other people's judgments. Yeah, it's like this kind of double-layered thing, right? You get to just release it because honestly, like most of the time people are just curious, it's just curiosity, yeah, which is the natural state of our being, and and and often it may be actually from a really loving place. I think our mind just takes us to somewhere else. So so often if I'm if I'm seeing somebody struggling, then I my my mind is very compassionate towards that. And actually, my the key thing that I want to do is support and to help. But yet, in our minds, when we're the ones that are experiencing that, we think that people are judging us in a very negative way, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So it's much harder to reach out, yeah. I really struggled with that as well, just reaching out when I was really struggling and early on, like you know, that was such a such a challenge for me to to even admit that I needed some support or help. And obviously, I didn't know any different either. So I had no sort of comparison to say, well, I'm not feeling great because I've always felt that way. It was just slightly worse than it was before. So it's hard to really know um when the appropriate time is to reach out and ask for help.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think that is so important. And I mean, this is why there's so many people in this world doing so many different things to support people through wherever they are, and you know, this is why we're here, and this is why we're doing what we're doing as well. So, this is your opportunity if you're listening to this and you're you're relating to it and feeling like I feel like I'm here or I feel like I need support, then reach out to us because even if if we can't support you directly, then then part of the work and the training that that I know that I've done and I'm sure that you've done is about knowing people that can support with different things. You know, this is this is the beauty of coaching and and working with clients so closely and directly. Even if we cannot help with a certain thing, we know people that can, or we know where to direct people to. So this is an invitation for anybody that is struggling to make sure we reach out. And we will make sure Joe at the end will share, share how you can kind of find him and and hopefully you know by now how you can find me. So and I think you know, what I'd love to kind of finish on here is just that that reflection about that connection between that breath and pleasure, the flow and the go, and and how if you really truly can connect to that, like I said before, it's this beautiful portal. And obviously, you know, this podcast is called the Big O and it always in some way or another relates back to that. And I think what I want to just kind of finish on is that understanding that, as you just said, if you if you are extending your breathwork practice, extending that exhale, and then my invitation to you as well is that re is to really, when you are inhaling, inhaling with an intention. Yeah, and really for me, if you're starting this journey and you're interested in in opening up this portal, this pleasure portal, then I would invite you to, when you inhale, call that feeling into your body wherever you feel it. I know that when I started, we we we mentioned a little bit about safety. For me, when I started this work, the safety was that I felt it in my heart and it was like an expansion, it was like a warmth in my chest, and that's where I started. So feel it wherever you need to feel it in your body, but recall those moments, and it may be physical pleasure, um, because obviously this is so interconnected, it's so natural. But remind yourself of that feeling and what pleasure feels like in your body. And every time you inhale, breathe that into your system and let yourself feel it. Because I think the key here is, and this is why breath is so important, we forget we're doing it, and therefore we forget to feel it too. So when you're actually focused on this, you get to remind yourself, you get to use it as another one of those tools, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And also just to add to that, don't judge yourself if you're breathing with the intention of pleasure and what you end up experiencing is something completely different. So if you end up experiencing anger or grief or whatever, just accept that that's what you need to experience in that moment. Yes. To feel and to connect to that, because again, your body's just much wiser than than than our than our minds are on the on their own. So let's really trust whatever wants to come through is the right thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because actually the key, the key to pleasure is is allowing. It's allowing, it's consistently just allowing whatever's come in, because actually that might be the thing that unlocks the pleasure. So it might be that you need to experience that grief, you might need to experience that sadness, you might need to experience that fear, and you because you need to feel that first, right? And then that can unlock, it can open up that portal then, because as soon as you actually because it's about allowing yourself, your body, your being to feel. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So if you're I mean it's amazing how many people will start off crying in a breath session and then it transforms straight into laughter, and they just can't stop uncontrollably laughing. I've had you know similar experiences myself where I just see the sort of great joke with all of it, you know, things I struggled with for decades. All of a sudden I could just see it from a different perspective and realize what a hilarious joke it was. It just took me 20 years to see the punchline and just just just cracking up laughing at how hilarious this life is. Um yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00I mean, to me, like these things, they're all they're often like the padlock, aren't they? They're the things that are that are blocking us from receiving the pleasure. So, yes, feel it, allow it, and that's the beautiful flow energy because you are surrendering to it, you are allowing yourself to feel it within your body, and then that is what will awaken and lock and unlock your pleasure. So it is practice, it is a journey, it's about consistently choosing yourself, it's about consistently choosing to do this. And when I say I know we're all busy, but just a few moments. You know, it could be like three inhales and and three exhales, just to ground yourself and to realize that you are actually here in a physical world and not just in your mind.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. I often like you can sort of rest your hand on your stomach as well, just to really feel into and remind yourself to breathe deeper into the body as well. Very easy just to breathe into the chest. That's the sort of way you know, a lot of us do these days. Just put a hand on your on your belly as well. Really breathe into that depth.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that. And I think this is what I'm inviting you here to do is to explore and see what works with you. So for me to be able to do this work to start with, I had to do it in the shower because of the physical feeling of the water on my body. It it it it was everywhere, so I couldn't ignore it, you know, and it got me to that. And and now, you know, being outside and feeling the air or listening to the trees, that helps me deeply. You know, I don't do well in quiet spaces. I have quite a vibrant energy, shall we say. So I need to feel things physically on your body. Yeah, and I and yeah, for me, I always tend to do this. I've got kind of got one hand lower and one hand higher, one on my heart, one on kind of my sacral space. And because again, that's me feeling physically feeling my body, which is really, really supportive. And I think it is so important here to say very much that you need to just make sure that you feel safe. You feel safe in whatever capacity. And I think that's what the shower, for example, gave me that warmth, that feeling of the water. It gave me that sense of safety to be able to do this. So just find that safe space for you, and even if it's just a few moments. It has been an absolute pleasure talking to you. Thank you so much for being here with me. I think it'd be fantastic if you could share how people could find you if they want to connect with you or reach out to you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, sure. On Instagram, I suppose, is the easiest. It's Joe Sharp86. So you know my birthday as well.
SPEAKER_00Amazing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's probably the easiest.
SPEAKER_00Fab. Okay, so as you know, you can find me on any of the platforms. I am Joyce Misfit on all of them. So come find me nice and easy. And of course, it's joycemisfit.com as well, if you want to reach out and kind of talk to me more privately. But I hope you've enjoyed today's beautiful, beautiful conversation. And I would absolutely love to connect with you and hear about how you maybe are putting this into practice and learning how to breathe into your pleasure.
